In Defense Of Language

Alright. I can't stand it any more. And I know I'm not the only one. What's with the epidemic misuse of the word "literally"? And perhaps more importantly, why do people feel such a need to EMPHASIZE whatever it is they're saying that they commit this semantic crime with such alarming frequency ? Is the rampant misunderstood overuse of this word in conversation a sign- well, obviously, that lots of folks just don't understand the meaning of the word- but more, yet another sign that we are hungering for the personal recognition that is increasingly rare as we continue to over- connect to the internet, the Wii, the Blackberry, and disconnect from our humanity? (Also, there's just way too many people in the world; it's becoming harder and harder to stand out.) We crave validation, that's no secret. When you tell a story, relate an anecdote, it's natural to desire feedback from your audience as in eye contact, a nod, the utterance of "uh-huh" and so on. The better you are at embellishing your anecdotes, the better chance that people will respond to you, which is, let's face it, what we all want: for others to pay attention to us. So my theory is that misuse of 'literally' is a result of attempting to distinguish one's self from the crowd. 'Punching it up' so to speak. Some would say it's our increasing obsession with fame that's driving it. I prefer to be more empathetic and say it's our innate our need to stand out, but in any case this crime does seem to be especially common among t.v. reality-show participants as they struggle for camera time in their inane encapsulations of 'what went down last night', etc. It's no news flash that the ubiquitous presence of these programs is influencing how we speak, dumbing us down. It's an easy embellishment to stick "literally" in there when describing something, sort of like those sticky-backed ribbon roses you slap on a gift when one is otherwise, like me, 'ribbon challenged'. Convenient flourish, but one can become dependent on them and then they lose their specialness. Let's face it; "literally" has become a crutch. It's boring. Now, with rare exception, when I hear someone start to say "I mean he was LITERALLY..." etcetera, I take that as my cue to go to sleep. Mouth wide open. Head back. Sawing logs. Haw-shewwww, haw-shewwww.
When over-dependence on a particular word or phrase becomes a substitute for compelling exposition,thoughtful language, just good storytelling, it's time for assholes like me to bring the hammer down. Please,people, just be more mindful. If it is true attention you seek, then more thoughtful discourse, less prattle. Wake me when it's funny.
Also, while I'm at it: Regime and regimen. Please figure out the difference. One is a mode of rule or form of government. The other is a systematic plan or course of action as in training, diet, or exercise. Yes, they are both rooted in the same word-the medieval Latin 'regimin'- but they have evolved over many years to two distinct words with decidedly different meanings. If I hear one more person refer to their 'spa regime', I'm going to gnaw my arm off.

P.S. It has occurred to me that perhaps I myself am overly dependent on commas in my writing. I'm a comma mama. Not as severe a crime, mind you, but something I will examine. And on a separate but related note, I have a whole defense for the use of 'like' and 'he's all...', 'she's all...' etc. which I may address at later date.